you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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