Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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