My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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