So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
