ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
