Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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