Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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