i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
