I cockslap morals
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
