So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
