fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I love you.
Bad choice
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
