Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
