I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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