Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
