oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
