I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
