Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
