on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
