As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
