my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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