I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
