Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
