So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
