It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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