Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
50% drunk capacity currently
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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