she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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