She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
