Ketchup is God's man juice
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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