You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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