just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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