I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
