okay pat passed out under dana's car
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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