My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
