just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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