i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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