Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
