You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
