u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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