well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
