It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
