My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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