so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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