Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
