nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
