at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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