i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
