How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I could make wine with my vomit
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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