Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
