just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
