at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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